On What Was Lost (and What Was Not)

Every so often I think about what was lost as our nuclear family and households on Monument Ave and Seventh Street broke up.  Besides the grief and emotional fallout of losing our relationships with Dad, some "things" that were important to me are lost .  And I know there were lost "things" that were very important to you too.  A few items that come to mind are a doll I believe I got in Ventnor (the only early childhood item I had, as Grammie is a cleaner-outer), my high school diploma and yearbook, and all my memorabilia from being pregnant, your births and earliest years.  Also, I had put aside your favorite toys from baby/toddler/pre-school days, stuffed animals, blankets, a bottle or two, etc.  I am truly sad for your things that were lost.  I did start saving again, mostly from our days on Sharpe St, so there are some toys and many books.  During those years, I also made very difficult decisions including the decision to divorce your Dad.  I remember telling you about that decision Alex, as we drove along the Back Road in West Wyoming one day - it was so hard.  I told myself that I never want to disappoint you like that again.

I remind myself about what as Not lost, and at least one gain.  I believe we are all more empathetic for other people, and much more aware of realities of mental illness (and that our society does not have enough of a safety net for people who suffer).  Our country, community, schools, libraries, hospitals, etc. are in-tact, which is not true for places of war, political turmoil and natural disasters.  Some people can never "go home".  I have my job, which is a source of tremendous stability for all of us.  We have our family (with one glaring exception), friends and local activities.  I have the very sweetest memories of your infant and younger days living at Monument Ave, along with so many pictures.  It was incredibly fortunate that when making final visits to the 7th Street house, we found all the photo albums I had put together over the years starting in the mid 80's.  Steve also found 2 sets of Grandpa's dog tags, and I recovered my wedding dress & MBA diploma from Wilkes.  And while I won't be passing along to you all the "stuff" I had once planned on, you will have this blog (a true "gift", along with effort, care and love that is integral when trying to be a good parent).

Mostly, we have each other.  And a new life we had to build for ourselves.  Aunt Pam is your most loving and enthusiastic booster.  The unexpected, extra bonus is your stepfather.  Steve's commitment to being a caring parent to his girls as well as you boys, thoughtfulness, energy and financial resources combined with mine have allowed us to have this lovely, comfortable home on Montgomery Ave. and given me a solid foundation to support you both through college and beyond.  What we are doing now is looking forward with hope and excitement for the future.

Here's a pic of you guys looking pretty happy, after Thanksgiving Dinner in 2017.