Saturday, November 19, 2022

Update - Notes for After Our Passing

It has not been quick or easy to make our final arrangements, but we are trying to get it done to minimize what you and the girls will need to do.  For a couple years, we periodically visited cemeteries (per the original post in 2019, we have specific criteria).  I like walking around cemeteries, probably because I grew up immediately next to one.  We ended up choosing the West Pittston Cemetery, which works since it has many trees, small animals, a view of the mountains and as a bonus for me is near the Susquehanna River.  (Although it was annoying that a lovely tree quite near our plot was cut down shortly after we bought it.)

Then it took a over a year to get a monument, probably because we wanted unique stuff.  We started at a Dupont monument business, since the Carroll headstone at the Wyoming Cemetery was purchased there.  After picking marble and sending pictures of a mourning dove (happy first sign of spring, for me) and an entwined eternity and heart symbol, there was no further response to our inquiries.  The problem may have been that we wanted special, multi-colored marble from India, and during the early phase of COVID-19 it wasn't feasible to get it.  So we started again with Pesavento Monuments in Scranton, and this time decided to get locally-sourced marble.  Eventually after months of follow-up emails/calls, the design was set, order finalized and grave stone was placed in July.  Here is the result, which we are pleased with:


Now we go "visit ourselves" every so often during walks in the cemetery.  However, we are not done yet - still have to arrange more stuff with Metcalfe-Shaver-Kopcza funeral home.  

As more practical information, we each created a Death Box which is supposed to have useful information to help with estate work.  So far, mine includes account/website passwords, and a few letters.  We did minor embellishing to decorate the boxes - but the letters are not sticking well.  Steve's is supposed to say "Steve's last waltz", and mine is supposed to say "See ya on the far side banks of Jordan" (pretty much, that's a song - I suggest listening to the Carter Family version).  Here's what they look like, with sleepy Oren & Rambo nearby.


In other news, Theresa Caputo, the Long Island medium continues to post videos on YouTube.  I'm still watching those, and also found Allison DuBois (a medium who has worked with law enforcement) who even more compelling.  Fascinating stuff!  So maybe there is an after life!!  

Steve's Two Cents

Ms. Rivers asked if I wanted to contribute to this posting, and while I mostly don't take writing topic requests, I'll make an exception in this case. 

 

First and foremost, I just don't know.  As in I don't understand the whole "hereafter" stuff.  In some ways, I suspect that is at least partially a case of avoidance, as in I don't want to think about death and what happens next...if anything...so I'm basically just going to ignore it.  That, however, flies in the face of my desire to live a more or less ordered life.  There is also a very practical reason why, as noted by Ms. Rivers, that we're doing this work:  We don't want others burdened with it when our mortal coils expire.  I've seen too many examples of people passing and leaving a whole heaping serving of work for others to figure out.  In my book that's just plain wrong. 

 

Second, and to repeat, I just don't know.  Now I admire those with a faith in a life after this, including Ms. Rivers, who insists that there will be many concerts...and cats...in Heaven.  Mind you I have tried to (intellectually) understand this, but there is a gaping flaw in my approach to this overall topic.  That flaw, however, is that faith, by its very definition, is having a belief precisely when there is a lack of evidence.  It does not play well with my attempt to intellectualize the hereafter and is therefore basically doomed to fail.  The thing that I've relied on all my life...my ability to process the world through logic and reasoning...is also the thing that stifles me.  At some point I'm hoping that changes. 

 

Third, while I don't know about some things, I do know that it makes sense to have a final resting place in death that somehow exemplifies the kind of life I've tried to live.  As noted by Ms. Rivers, trees are important.  I like trees.  I also love the idea that squirrels and rabbits will be doing their small animal things on top of our remains.  There's something simple and wonderful about life continuing at the very same place where life has been marked to an end. 

 

Finally, yes, I am quite tardy with creating content for the poorly named "Death Box".   See the first point, as I suspect that part of this is all about avoidance.  I am, however, reminded of what John Lennon noted in a song... 

 

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" 

 

...so, the balance is to continually work on having a good life while also planning on what happens when there is no life to be had.  I'll get there, eventually. 

Sunday, October 30, 2022

Doings in 1987.... 35 Years Ago

On Oct 17, 1987 your Dad and I were married.  It was a beautiful day on the warmer side, with foliage at its peak.  35 years ago this month!  I was 22 and Dad was 28, we had already been together for 6 years.  Marrying young was more common then, and I had graduated college over a year earlier.  Also, it was a more conservative time and not socially acceptable to live together - our parents definitely disapproved of what was euphemistically called "living in sin".  Thankfully social mores have changed.  I definitely believe you should live together with your partners before considering marriage, which is a significant commitment.

There was a bridal shower in September, in Wilkes-Barre.  We got many lovely gifts, and it was a fun party.  It was typical to make many baked goods, so everyone could bring home a plate of cookies.  So much baking in advance, and at that time Grandma could prepare amazing quantities of food - so she made a lot of the effort.  I was not at all comfortable standing up in front of the group to open gifts, but I got through it.  I still don't like being the center of attention.



The wedding was at St Stephen's in Wilkes-Barre (which had been my grandfather Burke Rivers' parish) in the afternoon.  The service was shared by Grandad and Rev. Virginia Miner (who since our camp days had gone to Princeton Divinity School and been ordained a Presbyterian pastor).  The reception was at the Newberry Estates in Dallas - off Pioneer Ave, which had a rustic reception building.  I was living with GrandNana on Lehman Ave in Dallas, so pictures began there.  The photo in front of her house includes a close family friend from Gloria Dei Church - Dottie Smith.  You will also see a photo of your great grandparents (Grammie's Mom & Dad) Mary Lee and Joe Zeller.  And I think you will be interested in seeing Aunt Julie and Mike, Meagan & Nick's Dad.  My bridesmaids were Aunt Julie, Aunt Di, Aunt Pam and a friend from college Sue Chokola.  Dad's groomsmen were friends Chris Chokola (Sue's brother), John Lasher, Dave Berretta and his cousin David Gerboc (Uncle Jason's older brother).   





















It was an exciting and happy day - a wedding day seems to be "your" day more than any other.  We were lucky to have all our parents then, along with 3 of my grandparents.  There was a band and plenty of dancing, including the locally traditional Polish chicken dance and dancing with the bride.  We had a lot of fun.  On our wedding night, we stayed for the first time in back apartment behind Grandma's house which had recently been built (and was not quite finished).  You might be interested in these pictures of the construction time - you'll notice one picture includes Grandpa's MG and Dad's Triumph (both of which were later parked in the garage under the apartment).





Our honeymoon was in Cancun, Mexico, and was also memorable.  Dad and I enjoyed time at the beach, shopping in town and day trips to go snorkeling, on a catamaran boat trip and to see Mayan ruins.  Dad planned the entire trip - fantastic job!!  Then it was on to life as a married couple (the final picture below was from a later trip to the Caribbean).  Alex, you came long about 9 years later.  And then after a wait and prayers, Rob you arrived 5 1/2 years after that.  You are our blessings born from a happy union.





Sunday, September 4, 2022

The Hummingbird Summer

For the first time that I remember at Montgomery Ave, we've had hummingbirds in our yard over this summer - since early July, after hanging a simple feeder outside the kitchen window.  By late August, we were up to 3 different tiny birds (I don't know what species).  It's fascinating to watch them, and our neighbor Crystal was inspired to get a feeder as well.  As a bonus, we spent a day at Lake Skaneateles and saw many swooping around the Warner cottage where there are 3 feeders.  Unlike the past few summers which were stormy, we had a dry summer with a few heat waves.  Voluntary water restrictions are now in place.  Around the country & world, extreme weather patterns and full-scale disasters like flooding are a serious problem - so far, we've had no dramatic changes here in the northeast, but it's getting steadily warmer.  Here are three pictures Steve took at home through the kitchen window.




I like to believe it's still summer though mid-September, but there are signs of wind-down....   ðŸ˜’ Haven't seen a hummingbird for a few days, so maybe they are moving south.  WA football games have begun - we can hear the loud-speaker from our house.  Labor Day is on Monday, we'll probably go to the Italian Festival at courthouse square in Scranton tomorrow.  I am making seasonal foods while I still can - tonight it's shish kabob on the grill and Aunt Ginny's blueberry pie.  (I made an extra pie, and brought some to Daisy Court & Davenport Street this afternoon.  Delicious!)  

Here's an update on what happened in July & August.  

  • Azec - Alex, you seem to generally like your job at the Azec Company, though aren't sure if you will stay in Human Resources long-term.  You have already taken on additional responsibilities and recently been promoted.  Yay!
  • Sabatini's - Rob, you started as a busser and are now also a salad-maker.  You haven't complained in spite of the hard work, sometimes get to walk pizzas across the parking lot to the beer store/bar next door and are doing fairly well with tips.  Keeping your maroon red Sabatini's shirt stain-free is an uphill battle, but we do our best using lots of Shout.
  • Maine vacation - On NCFE, Steve wrote a series of posts while we stayed in Cushing ME, near St. George where the Rivers family settled starting in the 1690's (including wonderful pictures, especially of sunsets over the bay).  Alex, you had recently begun your job at Azec and unfortunately couldn't join us.  Rob, it was great having you there.  You stayed in the bunk room with your cousins, which was fun although poorly ventilated.  One of my favorite memories is you calling bingo, very professionally & graciously.  You seemed to enjoy time with Noel, Larson, Luke and Grace - who read tarot cards for you.  Very interesting!  We also played croquet, some volleyball on Larson's olympics-themed 11th birthday and had evening campfires.  Many family chats - Grammie, Grandad, Aunt Julie & Mark, Aunt Di & Uncle Lawrence and Uncle John & Aunt Fran were there.  Also - lest we forget - there was Baby Bea who turned 1 in Maine.  Her "pterodactyl" screaming lived up to its reputation.  One special thing - we spent a day driving over to Benton, Maine where you had lunch and spent the afternoon with your friend Reece.  On the day of his 21st birthday!  wow!  Steve and I drove south on I-95 to Augusta during your Reece visit; it is quite simple for a state capital, likely we will not return.  Here you are with Aunt Julie's dog Blue.


  • Santana Concert - Alex, you went to a Santana concert with Aunt Pam and her friend Dawn.  Carlos Santa certainly loves to perform, he and his band have had an amazing run since 1966 i.e., essentially all of my life.
  • Rob's 20th Birthday - Rob, you quietly turned 20 this year.  We had a traditional Grace Rivers chocolate cake.  Your favorite gift seemed to be an Action Park t-shirt from Steve (you have learned much about this now defunct, but well-known amusement park in northern Jersey - and shared many interesting stories about its owner's philosophy, safety issues, lawsuits etc.).  In addition, while driving to/from and intra-Maine, you educated us on Henry Kissinger - an interesting figure who you do not admire.

  • Lake Skaneateles - The three of us plus Taylor spent a Saturday visiting cousins Ellen, Dave & George at their cottage.  We had perfect weather.  Alex, I think you and Taylor enjoyed it most - fishing, swimming and jet skiing.  Plus we had a lovely boat ride up to the northern end of the lake.  Ellen is a great hostess, very generous in many ways.  I spent quite a while attempting to take hummingbird pictures with my phone, which is a challenge. 

  • Kitty News - Aunt Pam got an adorable, tiny Siamese kitten Freddy (named for Frederic Chopin).  He is now getting along ok with Wolfie.  Alex, you and Taylor rescued sister & brother kittens - named Octavia & Raven.  You have 4 cats now, with Macie and Azula (!)  And Rob, you found a tailless, collarless gray kitty that came right up to you around midnight as you left work at Sabatini's last Friday.  You brought it home & the next day we went door-to-door in the neighborhood trying to find an owner.  We took him to the SPCA to get checked on Sunday morning (male - no chip), then shortly after Steve posted on the Luzerne County Lost Dogs & Cats Facebook page that we had a "found" cat, a lady from Exeter posted that she had a "lost" cat fitting the right description.  So 13-year old Momo - who we were told likes to lie on the sidewalk at nights - was re-united to his family.


  • Sony's Playstation 5 -  This high-end game system came out in 2020 just after COVID-19 hit us all like a frying pan in the face.  Everybody wanted it, only the few and the very lucky could get it.  It costs more than $500 to start with, and for quite a while was selling for well over $1,000 on eBay.  This was supposed to be your 2020 Christmas gift, Rob.  Well just a couple weeks ago, Alex you discovered that Walmart has an on-line lottery which you can enter to be selected to be the fortunate buyer of a Playstation 5.  You won almost immediately, and told Rob about this great.  Rob, you then were able to find and order it shortly afterwards.  So, 2020 Christmas gifting is complete!!  The main difference you noticed so far is much quicker loading time; we have yet to get a Playstation 5 game to find out what the full-upgrade player experience will be.


  • Yard Improvements - You know how Steve likes to keep busy.  He did a lot of landscaping work creating a border around the front porch using edging stones and decorative rocks.  And built a beautiful flagstone walk-way from the deck steps over to the driveway, using lots of colorful materials.  Very hot, sweaty work - and it looks fantastic!  As always, we have lovely flowers in front and in the back yard thanks to his effort and consistent watering.  And thanks to you, Alex, for keeping things watered during the Maine vacation.

  • Swing State Politics - With the mid-term 2022 election coming up, it's amazing to me that Pennsylvania is getting "national" type attention yet again.  Last week, President Biden came to Wilkes University and gave a major speech (after which, Steve got stuck in traffic and it took 1.5 hours to get home from Wilkes-Barre).  Today, former President Trump had a rally at Mohegan Sun casino.  There are significant governor (Shapiro vs. Mastriano) and senate (Fetterman vs. Oz) races.  Lots of enthusiastic supporters are out on both Democrat & Republican sides.  This tent was set up in Forty Fort today.








Sunday, August 28, 2022

The Courting Years (mid 1980's)

I got started at King's College just when your Dad was finishing there (he took classes part-time my freshman year).  In the meantime, Dad was hired to work as an insurance agent at American General Life Insurance, probably in 1983.  Here are memories from this time.

  • Living with my grandmother Phyllis Rivers (your GrandNana) worked out well, she was a sweet lady and extremely generous to me.  Her home was at 21 Lehman Ave, just a short distance from where Aunt Pam now lives on Davenport St.  I learned a lot of family lore during the years I was there, including about the McCausland and Walker families in Webster, MA and older generations of my grandfather's family in Cambridge, MA and St. George, ME.
  • I did not have a car (remember, my family didn't have extra money and to my knowledge didn't help any of us kids get vehicles).  The LCTA is the reason this entire arrangement worked.  I took the bus back and forth from Dallas (route 6) since my grandmother's house was 2 blocks away from the 5-way intersection in Dallas - you know, the one with that now has a roundabout.  The bus went to Wilkes-Barre public square, where King's College was 3 blocks away.  Also there was a bus from Wilkes-Barre to West Pittston (route 11) that went across Market Street into Kingston, then north on Wyoming Ave where I got off at 7th St in Wyoming, 1 block away from Dad's house.  It  was fine especially since I was accustomed to public transportation.
  • Dad did have cars.  He spent a lot of time driving back and forth to Dallas, let me tell you!!  When I first knew Dad, he had a boat-sized Mercury Montego (rust red) that had previously been a Maryland State Police car and he got through Uncle Melvin.  Uncle Melvin worked as a mechanic for the state police.  Dad was not happy when I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of Grandma's home-made dill pickles and his car smelled of pickle juice for a few weeks.  Also, Dad had a cool sports car he used in good weather only - a Triumph that previously belonged to Jimmy Rogers.  (You can ask Jimmy or Sheri about it.)  As you'd expect, quite small and low to the ground.  Fun except I could imagine tractor trailers literally flattening us.  Later, Dad's first new car was an efficient Renault Alliance (metallic blue) that he brought in New Jersey.  After I graduated, my first car was a small sedan given to me by your Grandma Carroll i.e., when she got a newer car.  I can't remember what make it was, and by the time I was 22 I was really happy to have a car of my own.
Mercury Montego, June 1984:

The Renault, in front of GrandNana's house - June, 1984:
  • Dad had a Sunday newspaper route.  This may seem odd, but he had been delivering newspapers since having a daily paper route as a kid.  Also, remember this was pre-internet so many people had home delivery of newspapers as a primary source of news.  Once Dad was driving, he got a Sunday paper route delivering the Sunday Independent (which discontinued publication in the 1990's sometime), the Pittston Dispatch and out-of-town papers like the Scranton Tribune, Philadelphia Inquirer, and NYC papers.  I remember the Daily News and NY Times.  This was quite a business - people would leave money under a mat or in the mailbox, so typically there was no need to collect at another time.  Initially, he had routes in Wyoming and West Wyoming/Toy Town.  Eventually, he ended up with just the Toy Town route, which continued into our early married years.  So guess what this meant?  Getting up at 6:30 am on Sundays, getting started around 7 and delivering until 10:30 or so.  It was ok except when weather was bad, especially rain or extremely cold/snowy.  So I typically stayed over at Dad's house Saturday night (slept on the couch) and helped him.  Besides black ink on hands & clothing, one of the other problems was getting away, since it was not easy to have someone else deliver the papers.  Our most faithful "backup" carrier was Uncle Jason.  yes, really!
Here's a picture from Atherton Ave, Wyoming in winter, 1984.  The house in the background is on 8th Street, the house where Jim & Kevin live and you guys have gone for hair cuts:
  • We spent time on the weekends with friends from King's, and as time when by with friends that Dad met at American General.  One special thing we did was coordinate canoe trips.  College friends would come and often Aunt Julie, Aunt Di and Uncle John would come too - which meant staying over in Dallas or in Wyoming.  The canoeing was based from Camp Lackawanna, since Dad and I knew the caretakers there (Don and Alice Kocher, who I still talk to occasionally since they are members of Trinity Presbyterian in Dallas).  Don had been my boss when I was the camp maintenance person, so I had known him fairly well.  We rented camp canoes, which Don transported up the river on a trailer pulled by the Camp truck - typically to Laceyville.  We paddled back to camp, which took a good part of the day and included stopping for lunch at a public river access next to the Mehoopany bridge.  These trips were usually on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend - the river water tends to be higher in the spring, which is helpful for a longer trip.  Lots of fun.
This picture is probably at the Mehoopany boat launch - May, 1984:
  • Over the summers, we would go camping.  One favorite spot was at Assateague State Park in Maryland, about half an hour from Ocean City.  You should remember crabbing (dropping lines baited with chicken pieces into the bay) at the park's "Old Ferry Landing" dock - we typically went over each time we spent a few days in Ocean City MD.  Sometimes Dad and I camped locally, like at Hickory Run State Park with Cindi and her boyfriend Dennis.  Dad loved to travel.  He tended to put off coming home as long as possible, as your Grandma said to me "he'll stay until the last bell rings!".  Dad could drive for 10-12 hours a day without getting excessively tired (which I think is unusual).  One particular trip I remember was to Tennessee where we camped near the resort town Gatlinburg and the Great Smokey Mountains national park.  It was hot, humid and beautiful - interesting to visit (the Gatlinburg area was much less developed than it is now).  
These pictures are from camping at Assateague during the summer of 1984.  The wild horses would eat almost anything that was left out, including ketchup packets.



 Here are some additional pictures from these times.....

All College Ball - Nov, 1983:

Me, Dad and Aunt Julie - Thanksgiving, 1984:


A formal picture, not sure why it was taken - May, 1985: