The Times They Are a-Changin'

For this post, I'm going to start (instead of end, as I often do) with a video.  Grammie and Grandad are folk music fans and were a young married couple in the sixty's when this anthem was written.  It's about the civil rights movement and, since change is unavoidable, is relevant to everyone.  It's by one of Rob's favorite composers Bob Dylan, who performed it at the White House in 2011:

At the end of March, Taylor broke up with you Alex.  It was a shock, here is part of an email I sent you a couple days later:  "Taylor has your special person for a long time, and (I think, eventually) you will have fond memories knowing that you grew up together as young adults.  She's a good role model in some ways, you complimented each other and I know you enjoyed doing a lot of things together.  It's good to recognize what she has meant, and you are grieving for the loss of it.  But as you've matured, seems that she's not the right partner for you anymore."  Although sad, you told me that you had not been able to imagine marrying or having kids with her.  And said you had almost broken up with her about six months ago, and with encouragement from Uncle John found a note you had written to yourself then about issues within the relationship - which are still on point.

After the initial adjustment, over the last 6 weeks you've said you are now are feeling less stressed, are sleeping better & are definitely enjoying extra time with your friends.  In particular Jeff, who was Taylor's mother Julie's boyfriend until they broke up early this year, and Tyler.  It is nice for me to have you living with us, however long that may be until you get your your own place (maybe buy a home).  And during this time, good things have happened !  You were promoted to HR Business Partner at Azek where you've worked less than a year.  Shortly after that you had a fun business trip to Chicago for a Human Resources team meeting/training event.  Plus, you bought a much newer car (replacing my asphalt gray Camry which had become your car & held up for you the past 7 years+ although getting beat-up lookin') - a black 2019 Ford Ecosport with very low mileage.  Steve shopped with you, and when you picked it up I heard directly from the salesman at Key Ford, Exeter that you got a super deal.  😁   Here's a photo posted to Facebook by the dealership:

Rob, you have been released by the workers comp. agency and completed a final round of physical therapy focused on your neck.  You seem to be ok with lifting heavy items and have been walking/doing exercises every day.  Also, you're working to adjust your sleep schedule.  It's great that you are no longer having trouble with light sensitivity.  We completed your FAFSA for the coming school year (yuk, but at least it's done.)  You've spent a couple weekends visiting Grammie and Grandad with me recently.  Summer job hunting is coming up fast.... 
.....after our vacation in Edinburgh Scotland, which we leave for this weekend.

In other news, Steve is doing yard work (his favorite!) - though flower planting will wait until we get back from the trip.  He was very busy over the past couple months finishing a bathroom remodel job that was completed carelessly by a local fixer-upper guy named Pete who worked with a helper named Warren.  Steve did a crazy amount of trim work and painting/re-painting in the front (your) bathroom with wonderful results.  Last thing was getting carpet on the stairs, so they are safer and quite attractive.  Here is the first of our family to try out the new decor - Rambo doing roll'ies !!

In other family news, Grandad is dealing with Parkinson's symptoms and is most comfortable at home.  He and Grammie are always happy for company, so I've been visiting them every month.  Aunt Julie and Mark sold their home across the driveway to Kyra and Mike, as they've moved to Phoenixville.  Alex, you are lucky to be getting a number of things they no longer need - a canoe, large desk, shelf unit that Mark built, end tables and much kitchen stuff including a lovely set of dishes.  Kyra and Mike got engaged last fall at Longwood Gardens, they haven't made any wedding plans yet.  Meagan and Anthony got engaged at Lake Jean while staying at the cabins in December, they're planning to marry while on vacation in Greece next month.  Noel started 9th grade, I still can't believe he's in high school.  And lest we forget, Aunt Julie's dog Blue had 9 puppies last October.  They were so adorable, and now Aunt Di has adopted one of them - a girl named Sage.

Last, but never least, here are more pet photos.  Our boy Oren perched on the back of the chair I'm typing in.  Also a pic you sent me, Rob, of snoozing kitties one Saturday night at Aunt Pam's where you played with Freddy, and kept him & Wolfie well fed while she was away.

Black Flags and Windmills

I started a post last November, but was too discouraged to continue.....  until today!  Rob, you told me this afternoon that you've started reading again, some nights before bed.  I am so relieved and feel like a window is opening to let fresh air into your life.  You feel better, though not great.  Of course, you're reading an interesting book on themes that inspire you - Black Flags and Windmills: Hope, Anarchy and the Common Ground Collective.  Here's the book description from Amazon.

When both levees and governments failed in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, the anarchist-inspired Common Ground Collective was created to fill the void. With the motto of “Solidarity Not Charity,” they worked to create power from below—building autonomous projects, programs, and spaces of self-sufficiency like health clinics and neighborhood assemblies, while also supporting communities defending themselves from white militias and police brutality, illegal home demolitions, and evictions.

Black Flags and Windmills—equal parts memoir, history, and organizing philosophy—vividly intertwines Common Ground cofounder Scott Crow’s experiences and ideas with Katrina’s reality, illustrating how people can build local grassroots power for collective liberation. It is a story of resisting indifference, rebuilding hope amid collapse, and struggling against the grain to create better worlds.

It's been a difficult time again.  

In September last year, you dropped two classes you were taking at LCC, quit your job at Sabatini's and for a while didn't seem to know what to do next.  You said you weren't having at least a couple "good" days per week to focus on schoolwork.  In October you applied and were hired almost immediately as a seasonal worker at Target, near the Wyoming Valley Mall.  You were feeling optimistic, however on your 3rd day at work in early November you were in the stockroom when a large box from an upper shelf fell on you (another person was working one aisle over may have somehow pushed the box over?).  This Target store, at least, didn't provide any new hire training or information about working safely in the stockroom.  Anyway, the box landed directly on you head.  Although you didn't lose consciousness, you did have head & neck pain with some other symptoms which included tasting blood in your mouth.  I got a call from you, and took you to the Geisinger ER where you were seen quickly and a CT scan showed no obvious injury.  So it was called a 'mild' concussion.  It has taken a long time to get over this - you still had symptoms in December - pain behind one eye, also when out in a car (either passenger or driving) you often got dizzy spells and motion sickness.  At that time you still weren't driving.  The hospital release paperwork says it can take weeks, months or longer to recover from a concussion.  

By early February, the concussion symptoms had improved a lot with time and some physical therapy recommended by our favorite neurologist who you are seeing once more, Dr. Garg.  You were released to go back to work without heavy lifting.  You started back to Target on a Monday....  You were trained for 4 hours on a new job, then were called into HR and fired because you had been hired as a temporary/holiday season worker.  This whole Target thing was a bad experience all around. 

On the up side, you've switched from a pediatrician to my family doctor, saw a rheumatologist who was not especially helpful and soon after saw a sleep doctor who was helpful.  Your main focus now is on eating a low-fat diet and changing sleep routine, to help alleviate significant fatigue.  Some other medical tests are being done.  One more good thing - as part of a remodeling project, spots of mold on the ceiling of the "boys" bathroom here were treated so in case you are allergic to mold spores that aggravating factor has been removed.  And the next couple months will be geared toward getting active so we are ready for vacation in Scotland (!!!)  

This situation is not funny, but I can't help but think of one of my favorite cartoons - Wile E Coyote and the Road Runner.  Seriously, and with my love & prayers, here is to steady improvement through 2023.

Update - Notes for After Our Passing

It has not been quick or easy to make our final arrangements, but we are trying to get it done to minimize what you and the girls will need to do.  For a couple years, we periodically visited cemeteries (per the original post in 2019, we have specific criteria).  I like walking around cemeteries, probably because I grew up immediately next to one.  We ended up choosing the West Pittston Cemetery, which works since it has many trees, small animals, a view of the mountains and as a bonus for me is near the Susquehanna River.  (Although it was annoying that a lovely tree quite near our plot was cut down shortly after we bought it.)

Then it took a over a year to get a monument, probably because we wanted unique stuff.  We started at a Dupont monument business, since the Carroll headstone at the Wyoming Cemetery was purchased there.  After picking marble and sending pictures of a mourning dove (happy first sign of spring, for me) and an entwined eternity and heart symbol, there was no further response to our inquiries.  The problem may have been that we wanted special, multi-colored marble from India, and during the early phase of COVID-19 it wasn't feasible to get it.  So we started again with Pesavento Monuments in Scranton, and this time decided to get locally-sourced marble.  Eventually after months of follow-up emails/calls, the design was set, order finalized and grave stone was placed in July.  Here is the result, which we are pleased with:

Now we go "visit ourselves" every so often during walks in the cemetery.  However, we are not done yet - still have to arrange more stuff with Metcalfe-Shaver-Kopcza funeral home.  

As more practical information, we each created a Death Box which is supposed to have useful information to help with estate work.  So far, mine includes account/website passwords, and a few letters.  We did minor embellishing to decorate the boxes - but the letters are not sticking well.  Steve's is supposed to say "Steve's last waltz", and mine is supposed to say "See ya on the far side banks of Jordan" (pretty much, that's a song - I suggest listening to the Carter Family version).  Here's what they look like, with sleepy Oren & Rambo nearby.

In other news, Theresa Caputo, the Long Island medium continues to post videos on YouTube.  I'm still watching those, and also found Allison DuBois (a medium who has worked with law enforcement) who even more compelling.  Fascinating stuff!  So maybe there is an after life!!  

Steve's Two Cents

Ms. Rivers asked if I wanted to contribute to this posting, and while I mostly don't take writing topic requests, I'll make an exception in this case. 

 

First and foremost, I just don't know.  As in I don't understand the whole "hereafter" stuff.  In some ways, I suspect that is at least partially a case of avoidance, as in I don't want to think about death and what happens next...if anything...so I'm basically just going to ignore it.  That, however, flies in the face of my desire to live a more or less ordered life.  There is also a very practical reason why, as noted by Ms. Rivers, that we're doing this work:  We don't want others burdened with it when our mortal coils expire.  I've seen too many examples of people passing and leaving a whole heaping serving of work for others to figure out.  In my book that's just plain wrong. 

 

Second, and to repeat, I just don't know.  Now I admire those with a faith in a life after this, including Ms. Rivers, who insists that there will be many concerts...and cats...in Heaven.  Mind you I have tried to (intellectually) understand this, but there is a gaping flaw in my approach to this overall topic.  That flaw, however, is that faith, by its very definition, is having a belief precisely when there is a lack of evidence.  It does not play well with my attempt to intellectualize the hereafter and is therefore basically doomed to fail.  The thing that I've relied on all my life...my ability to process the world through logic and reasoning...is also the thing that stifles me.  At some point I'm hoping that changes. 

 

Third, while I don't know about some things, I do know that it makes sense to have a final resting place in death that somehow exemplifies the kind of life I've tried to live.  As noted by Ms. Rivers, trees are important.  I like trees.  I also love the idea that squirrels and rabbits will be doing their small animal things on top of our remains.  There's something simple and wonderful about life continuing at the very same place where life has been marked to an end. 

 

Finally, yes, I am quite tardy with creating content for the poorly named "Death Box".   See the first point, as I suspect that part of this is all about avoidance.  I am, however, reminded of what John Lennon noted in a song... 

 

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" 

 

...so, the balance is to continually work on having a good life while also planning on what happens when there is no life to be had.  I'll get there, eventually. 

Doings in 1987.... 35 Years Ago

On Oct 17, 1987 your Dad and I were married.  It was a beautiful day on the warmer side, with foliage at its peak.  35 years ago this month!  I was 22 and Dad was 28, we had already been together for 6 years.  Marrying young was more common then, and I had graduated college over a year earlier.  Also, it was a more conservative time and not socially acceptable to live together - our parents definitely disapproved of what was euphemistically called "living in sin".  Thankfully social mores have changed.  I definitely believe you should live together with your partners before considering marriage, which is a significant commitment.

There was a bridal shower in September, in Wilkes-Barre.  We got many lovely gifts, and it was a fun party.  It was typical to make many baked goods, so everyone could bring home a plate of cookies.  So much baking in advance, and at that time Grandma could prepare amazing quantities of food - so she made a lot of the effort.  I was not at all comfortable standing up in front of the group to open gifts, but I got through it.  I still don't like being the center of attention.

The wedding was at St Stephen's in Wilkes-Barre (which had been my grandfather Burke Rivers' parish) in the afternoon.  The service was shared by Grandad and Rev. Virginia Miner (who since our camp days had gone to Princeton Divinity School and been ordained a Presbyterian pastor).  The reception was at the Newberry Estates in Dallas - off Pioneer Ave, which had a rustic reception building.  I was living with GrandNana on Lehman Ave in Dallas, so pictures began there.  The photo in front of her house includes a close family friend from Gloria Dei Church - Dottie Smith.  You will also see a photo of your great grandparents (Grammie's Mom & Dad) Mary Lee and Joe Zeller.  And I think you will be interested in seeing Aunt Julie and Mike, Meagan & Nick's Dad.  My bridesmaids were Aunt Julie, Aunt Di, Aunt Pam and a friend from college Sue Chokola.  Dad's groomsmen were friends Chris Chokola (Sue's brother), John Lasher, Dave Berretta and his cousin David Gerboc (Uncle Jason's older brother).   

It was an exciting and happy day - a wedding day seems to be "your" day more than any other.  We were lucky to have all our parents then, along with 3 of my grandparents.  There was a band and plenty of dancing, including the locally traditional Polish chicken dance and dancing with the bride.  We had a lot of fun.  On our wedding night, we stayed for the first time in back apartment behind Grandma's house which had recently been built (and was not quite finished).  You might be interested in these pictures of the construction time - you'll notice one picture includes Grandpa's MG and Dad's Triumph (both of which were later parked in the garage under the apartment).

Our honeymoon was in Cancun, Mexico, and was also memorable.  Dad and I enjoyed time at the beach, shopping in town and day trips to go snorkeling, on a catamaran boat trip and to see Mayan ruins.  Dad planned the entire trip - fantastic job!!  Then it was on to life as a married couple (the final picture below was from a later trip to the Caribbean).  Alex, you came long about 9 years later.  And then after a wait and prayers, Rob you arrived 5 1/2 years after that.  You are our blessings born from a happy union.

The Hummingbird Summer

For the first time that I remember at Montgomery Ave, we've had hummingbirds in our yard over this summer - since early July, after hanging a simple feeder outside the kitchen window.  By late August, we were up to 3 different tiny birds (I don't know what species).  It's fascinating to watch them, and our neighbor Crystal was inspired to get a feeder as well.  As a bonus, we spent a day at Lake Skaneateles and saw many swooping around the Warner cottage where there are 3 feeders.  Unlike the past few summers which were stormy, we had a dry summer with a few heat waves.  Voluntary water restrictions are now in place.  Around the country & world, extreme weather patterns and full-scale disasters like flooding are a serious problem - so far, we've had no dramatic changes here in the northeast, but it's getting steadily warmer.  Here are three pictures Steve took at home through the kitchen window.

I like to believe it's still summer though mid-September, but there are signs of wind-down....   😒 Haven't seen a hummingbird for a few days, so maybe they are moving south.  WA football games have begun - we can hear the loud-speaker from our house.  Labor Day is on Monday, we'll probably go to the Italian Festival at courthouse square in Scranton tomorrow.  I am making seasonal foods while I still can - tonight it's shish kabob on the grill and Aunt Ginny's blueberry pie.  (I made an extra pie, and brought some to Daisy Court & Davenport Street this afternoon.  Delicious!)  

Here's an update on what happened in July & August.  

• Azec - Alex, you seem to generally like your job at the Azec Company, though aren't sure if you will stay in Human Resources long-term.  You have already taken on additional responsibilities and recently been promoted.  Yay!
• Sabatini's - Rob, you started as a busser and are now also a salad-maker.  You haven't complained in spite of the hard work, sometimes get to walk pizzas across the parking lot to the beer store/bar next door and are doing fairly well with tips.  Keeping your maroon red Sabatini's shirt stain-free is an uphill battle, but we do our best using lots of Shout.
• Maine vacation - On NCFE, Steve wrote a series of posts while we stayed in Cushing ME, near St. George where the Rivers family settled starting in the 1690's (including wonderful pictures, especially of sunsets over the bay).  Alex, you had recently begun your job at Azec and unfortunately couldn't join us.  Rob, it was great having you there.  You stayed in the bunk room with your cousins, which was fun although poorly ventilated.  One of my favorite memories is you calling bingo, very professionally & graciously.  You seemed to enjoy time with Noel, Larson, Luke and Grace - who read tarot cards for you.  Very interesting!  We also played croquet, some volleyball on Larson's olympics-themed 11th birthday and had evening campfires.  Many family chats - Grammie, Grandad, Aunt Julie & Mark, Aunt Di & Uncle Lawrence and Uncle John & Aunt Fran were there.  Also - lest we forget - there was Baby Bea who turned 1 in Maine.  Her "pterodactyl" screaming lived up to its reputation.  One special thing - we spent a day driving over to Benton, Maine where you had lunch and spent the afternoon with your friend Reece.  On the day of his 21st birthday!  wow!  Steve and I drove south on I-95 to Augusta during your Reece visit; it is quite simple for a state capital, likely we will not return.  Here you are with Aunt Julie's dog Blue.

• Santana Concert - Alex, you went to a Santana concert with Aunt Pam and her friend Dawn.  Carlos Santa certainly loves to perform, he and his band have had an amazing run since 1966 i.e., essentially all of my life.

• Rob's 20th Birthday - Rob, you quietly turned 20 this year.  We had a traditional Grace Rivers chocolate cake.  Your favorite gift seemed to be an Action Park t-shirt from Steve (you have learned much about this now defunct, but well-known amusement park in northern Jersey - and shared many interesting stories about its owner's philosophy, safety issues, lawsuits etc.).  In addition, while driving to/from and intra-Maine, you educated us on Henry Kissinger - an interesting figure who you do not admire.

• Lake Skaneateles - The three of us plus Taylor spent a Saturday visiting cousins Ellen, Dave & George at their cottage.  We had perfect weather.  Alex, I think you and Taylor enjoyed it most - fishing, swimming and jet skiing.  Plus we had a lovely boat ride up to the northern end of the lake.  Ellen is a great hostess, very generous in many ways.  I spent quite a while attempting to take hummingbird pictures with my phone, which is a challenge. 

• Kitty News - Aunt Pam got an adorable, tiny Siamese kitten Freddy (named for Frederic Chopin).  He is now getting along ok with Wolfie.  Alex, you and Taylor rescued sister & brother kittens - named Octavia & Raven.  You have 4 cats now, with Macie and Azula (!)  And Rob, you found a tailless, collarless gray kitty that came right up to you around midnight as you left work at Sabatini's last Friday.  You brought it home & the next day we went door-to-door in the neighborhood trying to find an owner.  We took him to the SPCA to get checked on Sunday morning (male - no chip), then shortly after Steve posted on the Luzerne County Lost Dogs & Cats Facebook page that we had a "found" cat, a lady from Exeter posted that she had a "lost" cat fitting the right description.  So 13-year old Momo - who we were told likes to lie on the sidewalk at nights - was re-united to his family.

• Sony's Playstation 5 -  This high-end game system came out in 2020 just after COVID-19 hit us all like a frying pan in the face.  Everybody wanted it, only the few and the very lucky could get it.  It costs more than $500 to start with, and for quite a while was selling for well over $1,000 on eBay.  This was supposed to be your 2020 Christmas gift, Rob.  Well just a couple weeks ago, Alex you discovered that Walmart has an on-line lottery which you can enter to be selected to be the fortunate buyer of a Playstation 5.  You won almost immediately, and told Rob about this great.  Rob, you then were able to find and order it shortly afterwards.  So, 2020 Christmas gifting is complete!!  The main difference you noticed so far is much quicker loading time; we have yet to get a Playstation 5 game to find out what the full-upgrade player experience will be.

• Yard Improvements - You know how Steve likes to keep busy.  He did a lot of landscaping work creating a border around the front porch using edging stones and decorative rocks.  And built a beautiful flagstone walk-way from the deck steps over to the driveway, using lots of colorful materials.  Very hot, sweaty work - and it looks fantastic!  As always, we have lovely flowers in front and in the back yard thanks to his effort and consistent watering.  And thanks to you, Alex, for keeping things watered during the Maine vacation.

• Swing State Politics - With the mid-term 2022 election coming up, it's amazing to me that Pennsylvania is getting "national" type attention yet again.  Last week, President Biden came to Wilkes University and gave a major speech (after which, Steve got stuck in traffic and it took 1.5 hours to get home from Wilkes-Barre).  Today, former President Trump had a rally at Mohegan Sun casino.  There are significant governor (Shapiro vs. Mastriano) and senate (Fetterman vs. Oz) races.  Lots of enthusiastic supporters are out on both Democrat & Republican sides.  This tent was set up in Forty Fort today.