Christmas Magic

Last week, the original lead singer of an Irish punk/folk group "The Pogues" died - Shane MacGowan.   Although the band was around in my college days, I wasn't aware of it until recently.  Shane MacGowan was a talented and interesting man, Irish to the core.  The Pogues song Fairytale of New York is about a troubled couple - it's a sad, funny and somehow still joyful Christmas song.  It was recorded and performed with Kirsty MacCall, an English singer who was killed tragically...  now over 20 years ago.

The song seems fitting in some ways, since I've discovered that Christmas can be somewhat melancholy.  There could be many reasons for this, but one in particular is missing family and friends that we've celebrated with in the past.  Sometimes it helps to recognize this, and then move on with enjoying our current traditions including lights inside and out, the tree, presents and family time.  I'm looking forward to Christmas, 2023 - it's a treat for me to have you both living her over this holiday season.

Here are some favorite memories of Christmas "when you were little".  Maybe I've written about this before, I'm not sure.....  Christmas began and ended (sometimes in March) with trains.  Dad had a train platform up at Christmas time every year as a kid, it took up a substantial portion of the living room at Grandma's at about waist height.  He continued this once you guys were old enough, with a couple platforms on the floor at our apartment (with our Christmas tree on top).  He got out various sizes of track though mostly Lionel O gauge, and set it up.  Next, which trains from Dad's collection to get out each year was a big decision - passenger, freight, etc.  You guys would watch, and when you were old enough were allowed to use the transformer to run trains.  I recollect Tiger being quite interested, and sometimes not getting out of the way in time when a train was coming down the track.  It was a great source of fun for all the boys of the household.

We typically went to Wyoming Presbyterian's service of lessons & carols, with Silent Night by candle light.  Then we had a casual get-together at Uncle George and Aunt Rebecca's house.  Uncle George made piggies and kielbasi - yum!  There is one particular gift I remember you guys got from Uncle Jason - a multitude of green army men that became a hazard underfoot.  Back at home, we set out a plate of cookies for Santa and reindeer food on the deck (supplied by Cookie Corner, the recipe seemed to be uncooked oatmeal and glitter).  On Christmas morning, Grandma came over to watch you open presents.  Meanwhile, she as well underway in preparing an incredible Christmas dinner.  The Gerbocs including all the cousins who were home came in the early afternoon and we barely fit around an extended dining room table.  She always had turkey and ham, and numerous vegetables & salads. Her mixed fruit was amazing, as you know since Aunt Pam has taken this over (Alex, you are learning how to make it).  Grandma had baked cookies, plus I brought pies for desert.  You may remember, she had real Christmas trees in both the family room and living room, and of course there were more presents for everyone.  Grandma really loved Christmas, she did A Lot to make it extra-special.

You might be interested to know, as another fond memory - through the 80's it was popular to line sidewalks with "sand candles" (white paper bags, with sand in the bottom and short candles) on Christmas Eve.  Here's a picture showing what it looked like.  

I still think, at my advanced age of 58, that Christmas Eve is the most magical night of the year.  It's lovely to go to church, enjoy the quiet after everything has closed down and go to Aunt Pam's.  And to see many Christmas lights.  I've tried to make Christmas the most special time of year for both of you.  Kids should have wonder in their lives including magical beliefs, from the tooth fairy to Santa Claus.  When I was living in the Dominican Republic, Christmas was a religious holiday - but the bigger family celebration was for Three Kings Day (Epiphany) on Jan 6th.  This was day that kids got their presents, and I was very excited the night before.  We lived about a block away from the ocean - I remember seeing the lights from a ship go by a ways from shore, and was sure the three wise men were on the ship.  It's a nice memory, I know you each will have sweet Christmas memories too.

  

The Circle of Life

You boys didn't have a chance to know your Grandpa Carroll in this world.  As young kids, you did spend a lot of time with your Grandma - which was a wonderful thing.  When she passed in 2008, the best explanation for you both was that "her body stopped working".  While it's great that you've had so much more time with Grammie and Grandad Rivers in the Philadelphia area, you don't get to see them nearly as often.

In the past couple weeks, we lost two extended family members.  Aunt Margaret (Zeller) Carlson - Grammie's sister - passed after a few years dealing with dementia.  Also Kyra and Luke's grandmother Lynne Bloom passed after a series of ailments including strokes.  We know they had long, mostly happy lives - but it's not easy to say goodbye and we'll miss them.  Rob, you and I went to Lynne's graveside funeral last Sunday and spent some time afterwards with Aunt Di, Uncle Lawrence, Kyra, Luke and others.  

Here is a photo of Aunt Margaret from a short hike we took near Hancock to look out over the beautful southern New Hampshire mountains.

And below is a wonderful Bloom family picture from 2015, including Lynne (Bubbe) and her partner Gene (Zayde) seated in the front.

The cantor leading Lynne's service mentioned that she had been a light to her family and community.  As we remember them, here's a sweet, simple African-American song about bringing our lights into this world - each of us sharing our unique personalities, talents and energy.

Our Historic Wyoming Valley - Avondale Mine Disaster

You boys have fairly deep roots in the Wyoming Valley.  On my side of the family, it goes back about 75 years to the late 1940's when your great grandparents Burke and Phyllis Rivers arrived after serving churches in New Haven CT and Johnson City NY to establish their ministry at St. Stephen's in Wilkes-Barre.  They were quite involved in the community and social  life of Wilkes-Barre.  On the Carroll side, it goes back at least 125 years to the late 1800's.  I'm aware of the Warner family living in the Belin section of Moosic and working in the Dupont Company gunpowder plant.  There were several horrific accidents there, involving explosions.  I believe it was one of your great grandfathers who died in an explosion at a powder plant while working as night watchman.  Your great grandfather Donald Warner worked for some years at a coal mine that I understood from your Dad was in Jenkins Township, across the Susquehanna River.  He ran a furnace (which may have supported mine ventilation).  Grandma told me she used to take him his lunch; Dad told me that his grandfather liked his house on Breese Street kept hot (such that everyone else tended to sweat inside) since he had gotten accustomed to higher temperatures at this job.

Today we drove down to Plymouth, and walked from a marker in Plymouth Township along Rt. 11 to the site if the Avondale Mine Disaster in 1869.  This mine was owned by the Nanticoke Coal Company.  Today, the site is maintained by the Plymouth Historical Society, which has posted helpful signs including photos.  I just discovered there is a Wikipedia site about this disaster -->  Avondale Mine.  This terrible event killed 110 men and boys by suffucation (including a father and 3 adult sons, and 2 rescuers).  The majority were Welsh, since many of the earliest miners came from Wales.  The event bolstered the fledgling American labor movement and resulted in improvements to mine regulations, including that mines had to have a minimum of 2 shafts.  And we certainly know quite a lot about the Knox Mine Distaster in 1959, which occurred literally across the river from us in Jenkins Twp/Pittston, and effectively ended deep mining (which was already in decline) in the Wyoming Valley.  Your Grandpa reported on the Knox Mine Disaster early in his career - I believe this was on the radio, prior to his television career.  This catastrophe was caused by illegal practices and killed 12 men; there are still annual commemorations in Pittston.

Below is one of the Avondale images I found on-line, along with a photo from the 150th anniversary commemoration held in 2019.  Communities do not forget their tragic losses.

It is incredibly sad, and I'm glad we took the time to visit the Avondale Mine site and its ruins.  We saw toads, a bunny and unfortunately many "baby" spotted lantern flies.  Mosquitos were beginning to take an interest in us as we headed back to the car.  Then we had dinner at Uncle Buck's in Plymouth.  Rob, you are almost but not quite 21 years old.  Alex, you are almost but not quite the owner of your own house on North St in West Pittston.  

I love the mountains and the Susquehanna River in the beautiful valley we call home.  Often I think about native Americans who lived here for thousands of years, the places they lived and paths they walked (such as Wyoming Ave itself).  I have also thought about early European settlers, their forts and later farms.  I find it fascinating to see the remaining evidence, all around us, related to coal mining history - which brought much development and led to Northeast PA making significant contributions to the industrial revolution.  In my early years living here in the mid-late 1980's, I saw and spoke with older men who were sick suffering from black lung - a debilitating and absolutely terrible illness.  And after today, I have a deeper appreciation for the sacrifices that so many made in the coal mining industry as men worked to support their loved ones.  

It turns out there's a song about the Avondale Mine Disaster, written by George Korson - who was interested in folklore and music of Pennsylvania coal miners, and had ties to the United Mine Workers of America.  Here is a performance of it by Jay Smar, a folk musician from a miner family (some background about him here  -->  Jay Smar).  And you might also want to read the melancholy song lyrics, which you can link to here  -->  Avondale Mile Disaster Song.

          

The Honeysuckle Bloomed

 

This evening, finally, the hummingbirds came back.  I saw 2 hummingbirds at our feeder outside the kitchen window.  So fantastic, I've been waiting for them all summer !!  Our gardener Steve's beautiful honeysuckle bush is blooming - he figures the flowers attracted these tiny, good-luck birds.  They zoomed so fast, I didn't have time to get a picture.  Then our neighbor Crystal sent me this photo of a goldfinch that perched at her window earlier today to look in.  Wow!

Disregarding heat & humidity, mid-summer in northeastern Pennsylvania is a wonderful time.  Flowers  and lovely trees around our house, local fruit, early corn, tomatoes growing, fireflies lighting up the churchyard across the street and fresh air after thunderstorms.  For the last few years, there has been canoeing or kayaking the Susquehanna River on one special day.  This time it was last Saturday, kayaking from the Mehoopany bridge to Tunkhannock on a lovely, not-too-hot day - complete with dusky blue dragonflies.

In terms of happiness, I've noticed over my adult years that life is like a pendulum as I navigate ongoing changes.  Some time is genuinely exhausting, painful, stressful and/or sad.  Most of the time is some level of "things are ok", when certain good and bad factors coincide.  And every so often, for a relatively brief period, mostly everything is going well and I am truly happy.  I feel lucky that right now is one of those fleeting times.  Here's why.....

• First of all, I'm fortunate to be healthy for my age (58) and feel well. No aches and pains yet, I'm able to do everything I want to do.  I try to appreciate this, knowing it's not likely to last.  It's a treat for me to have both of you living at Montgomery Ave, where I can chat with you almost every day.  Work at Prudential is challenging as always, but thankfully I am not working excessive hours.  We are very stable financially.  One problem with no easy solution...  I'm trying to be supportive of Grammie and Grandad (recognizing that Aunt Di and Aunt Julie do much more), as they deal with older age and Grandad's progressive symptoms of Parkinson's disease.  I usually spend a weekend in Wyncote each month.
• Steve is a true partner and companion in all ways.  We enjoy conversation, doing routine tasks of life and relaxing together.  We support each other, as well as you boys and his girls - laugh, learn and plan for the future (retirement!).  A good marriage is a truly wonderful thing.  And I'm thankful Steve is willing to come on river outings, even though it gets harder every year to get in and out of the boats.
  
• Alex, your plan worked!  With Dad's estate settled and after looking at a few properties in June, you are buying a house on North Street in West Pittston.  I'm still surprised that the stars aligned for this to happen, so quickly.  This seems to be a great starter house, in excellent condition, plenty of space for you and driveway with garage for your car, fishing gear and other stuff.  Yesterday your mortgage was approved, the closing will be in mid-late August.  We are so happy for you, and look forward to helping you get situated.  It's a big undertaking for a single person, you are very mature and wise to go ahead with buying a home (rather than renting).  Congratulations!!  
• Rob, you have been back to work part-time for a couple weeks - at Cracker Barrell's retail store in Wilkes-Barre.  It's fantastic that you feel pretty well (neck exercises must be helping), and so far seem content with this job.  Glad you are establishing a new routine outside the house, driving consistently, earning some money and interacting with more people.  As another new venture, you're currently trying a lactose-free diet.  I am genuinely grateful to the healthcare professionals who have been caring for you.  Looking ahead, you are registered for fall classes at LCCC.  Yay !!

As Steve and I head off tomorrow for a weekend at the Jersey shore, I'll be thinking about both of you and appreciating this unique time in our lives.  We're confident in leaving you to care for Oren and Rambo kitties, water flowers, bring in mail and keep an eye out for hummingbirds!  

A Father's Day Interview

Sunday June 18th was Father's Day.  We had a relatively quiet day at home, with hamburgers & hot dogs cooked on a new gas grill - my 25th Prudential work anniversary gift.  Plus our favorite chocolate cake made with Droste dutch cocoa, which was absolutely delicious.

So during the afternoon, Steve and I convened on the upstairs back porch in West Pittston.  Sometimes I try to remember what it was like at a specific place & time.  It was a partly sunny afternoon with a slight breeze, around 80 degrees.  As we talked, a crow called in one of our neighbors' tall trees.  Here are my questions and Steve's answers.  Alex & Rob, I hope you'll find this a help if you become fathers yourselves.

Q.  What things did you most enjoy doing with the girls when they were growing up?

A.  Vacation at the Jersey shore (staying in Avalon or Wildwood); going to the beach, walking on the board walk, visiting the Cape May Zoo.  

Q.  What are your guiding principles for parenting teen agers / young adults?

A.  You can't micro-manage....  As a parent, you can no longer control what children do at this point.  It's hard to see your kids make mistakes, but it's necessary; we all learn more from our mistakes than when things go smoothly.  When things do go wrong, it's important to be there and help them understand why.  For the girls especially, I told them they needed to learn to be independent (so as not to be reliant on someone else).  No one should need a partner.  

Q.  What is the hardest thing about being a step parent?

A.  Step parents need to understand this unique role.  As a stepfather, since the boys are not my biological children I have no "rights" or "authority" from a moral perspective.  So as not to alienate them, you have to be caring but hands-off.  Allowing kids the freedom to make mistakes is even harder with a stepchild.  You need to be there for them, but more as a friend than as a parent.

Q.  What are some of the says you try to be a role model, as a Dad?

A.  By working hard.  Having fun, laughing and being silly sometimes.  Also, talking about what's happening in the world and what matters to me.  Lastly, I try to set an example by learning and trying new things (including at work).

Q.  How do you want your kids to remember you as a father?

A.  "I Tried !"  My Mom cared for me and my brothers physically, but otherwise did not nurture us.  My Dad was never part of my life.  I always wanted to be better than my father.  This included being available if my kids needed me; helping with homework, rides to activities or work and dealing with problems like a car break-down.

Q.  What are your favorite qualities about each child?

A.  Kate (35) - approaching her life with passion; for example, as a teacher.  Her principles in viewing the world, in particular social justice.

Korin (30) - using her intelligence as a scientist to make a difference in the world.

Becca (30) - caring for other people, and being a down-to-earth person who leverages her common sense.

Alex (26) - self-confidence i.e., being less inhibited than most people by fears and insecurities (noting that this is a learned behavior).

Rob (20) - being idealistic in terms of recognizing social injustice, being intelligent and an extremely caring person.  I hope he will find a way to help improve the world.

Q.  What advice would you give your 23-year old self about becoming a father?

A.  Recognize that it's hard to be a Dad.  Parenting young people is not an exact science, and no one has all the answers.  Sometimes you get parts of it wrong.  But try your best, it will all work out in the end.  (This is in spite of the fact that while I may appear patient, I'm really not; specifically, I have no patience for my own failings.)

Here are pictures of the kids who have been lucky to have Steve as their Dad.  Kudos to Sharon and Steve for raising up their girls, who are now accomplished women.

Lovely teenage Albert Girls, June 2007:

Steve with Carroll Boys in their 20's, on Father's Day, June 2023:

Clan Buchanan - McCausland Family Line

Your GrandNana is Phyllis McCausland (1907-1999).  (She lived through all the major events of the 20th century - I am thinking of the Great War, the depression, World War II and men traveling to the moon - a fascinating lifetime.)  She, her older sister Grace and younger brother John were born to Agnes Viola Walker and Charlies Raymond McCausland.  Your grandfather is named David Buchanan Rivers.  Your uncle is named John McCausland Rivers.  And Rob, you are named Robert Buchanan Carroll - quite a noble name.

Clan Buchanan is considered a Highlands clan.  Here are the tartan, and the family crest.  The crest is translated as Brighter Hence The Honour.

McCausland is a derivation of a clan family name Macauslan, which according to Wikipedia means Son of Anselan.  From at least 1225, Clan Buchanan had rights to land on the east and northern borders of Loch Lomond in what became known as Stirlingshire.  On our Scotland trip we took a day trip to Loch Lomond, which was absolutely lovely and then to Stirling Castle.  While touring the castle, Alex and I learned about George Buchanan (a famous scholar and historian), a stern tutor to Prince James (1566-1625) who became King James VI of Scotland and later King James I of England.  Those were not the best days to be a school boy.  It's interesting that George Buchanan died in Edinburgh and was buried in Greyfriars' Kirkyard, which we explored.  You've heard royal families focus on having "an heir and a spare"....  Well, Clan Buchanan experienced the consequences of not having an heir when its chief died without one; the 19th chief John Buchanan died without an heir around 1682.  (In the Jacobite uprisings of the 1700's, Buchanans were split with some supporting the Stuarts and others supporting the Government.)  However, the Clan Buchanan Society is the world's oldest society - established in 1725 in Glasgow.  There are many notable Buchanan's in the UK and abroad including US President James Buchanan (in office from 1857- 1861).

Here is the beautiful loch, with a view to the Highlands in the distance.

This is a view of stunning countryside from Castle Stirling.

On our trip, we collected a Buchanan guide book, a Buchanan sweatshirt (Alex) and a Buchanan scarf (me).  Rob, you already had a handsome Buchanan scarf.  And while on our bus ride, we heard the sad story and a lovely rendition of the The Bonnie Banks O' Loch Lomond.  I've known the chorus all my life, but didn't realize who wrote it or what it meant.  You can read about the history of this well-known song here.  To make your heart ache and remember sacrifices and loss, this is a traditional version by a Scottish folk group based in Edinburgh "The Corries".

Tina Turner 1939-2023

During our vacation in Scotland, Tina Turner (born Anna Mae Bullock) died at age 83.  While I was aware of her life story, I didn't fully appreciate what an entertainment pioneer she was until recently.  Born in Tennessee to a disfunctional family, she was the first female rock 'n' roll super star which she achieved after a relationship with a brilliant but violent musician.  To give credit, Ike Turner certainly did recognize and help develop her talent.  In addition to beating her regularly after they married, Ike took it upon himself to name her Tina in order to promote his band as if she were his property.  I have to say, this concept is not suprising since humanity has known all manner of slavery for thousands of years.  I have tears in my eyes writing this, thinking about the fear, pain and desperation she lived with during their marriage while raising 4 children - her courage in leaving him - and the fear of what he might do to her then.  ....followed by a bitter divorce and financial struggles.

I admire Tina for her determination to escape this horror and then over time build her own solo career.  You can read her fascinating story including how she found true love and a joyful, peaceful new life here in Wikipedia.  I knew she was a beautiful, dynamic performer.  But only over the past few weeks have I realized how incredible she was a dancer and singer - unbelievable stamina.  (I find Lady Gaga to be a phenomenon in this same way.)  Tina originally gained fame as the lead singer of the powerful rhythm & blues band combined with the fantastic dancing "Ikettes"- under the leadership of her husband - called the Ike & Tina Turner Revue.  This is a mesmerizing performance from the Ed Sullivan variety show, I'm blown away the girls' singing and dancing.